2017 so far might be the most stressful period I ever experienced. Like a model with lots of hidden variables, value of one single variable might affect the outcome of the whole model. Lots and lots of things to worry about, even though most of things are totally out of your control. I’m in crisis mode.
Crisis means lock out. I am locked out of my mind. I can no longer focus on things ahead. All I can think of is various scenarios, and different outcomes corresponding to each scenario. Like a simulation machine. Not only that, my body gets weaker and weaker. Weaker body means a weaker mind. Forever loop.
I started having weird dreams. Things that I saw during the day continue to appear, but in a weird way in my dream. Things appear to happen 24/7 inside my mind. The bad thing is I feel like I can no longer control it. I lost control of my mind.
This is not sustainable. I don’t know how long I can live like this, but soon enough my mind is going to explode.